January 14, 2009

Speculations on Life (2)

Energy is infinite. It hops in and out of "existence" constantly, summoned forth in exactly equal amounts of counter-energy, thus giving us the illusion of stability when really, every point is boiling over with this completely balanced, but supremely connective notion. My grasp of the physical world as we know it, is that we are a series of values and positions, most likely composed of vibrating strings of energy/mass... but the closer we examine things, the more they break apart.

I like to think that life is the same way. However, life is a force that is by nature, unbalanced. It is wild, wrestling with energy of all sorts, taming it and finally locking it down into painful staticity. It moves with direction and it has but a single intent. Stay alive. PERSIST in this roil of chaos. Other goals crop up later, should this one fail (and it always does.) Make a legacy. Make an impact. Change the world, whatever that might be.

Life's attempts to build a world are ultimately futile. Everything that is harnessed, altered or "created" is someday broken, destroyed and lost, from the kindergarten ash tray art project to the glucose molecules you've stolen away from some other poor struggling organism, as devoted to life as you or I. I feel no guilt eating the flesh of another creature or chomping the vegetable matter of one of my really distant plantcestors. My moral pain or their physical pain -- it's a choice I make everytime I sit down to eat.

Life is a terrible competition. We fight daily in ways that we aren't even aware of. I kill myselves everyday just to stay alive. If I didn't, I would be so selfish that all sorts of cancers would take over my body and totally cripple me. WE aren't what we think we are. There is no I, only a collective ME/WE. Every cell in my body struggles to live as much as the next, but some make sacrifices. They all devote themselves to tasks assigned to them following day one when the Originator-zygote was formed from the union of dad-sperm and mom-egg.

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